Destination, Meaning and Reason

Does every event have to happen for a reason? Does every journey have to have a destination? Should every thing have a meaning?

I don't know if every event has to have a reason, but If it is important and if it happens to me, It would cause me great pain if it turns out that there was no reason for it.

I don't know if every journey should have a destination, but I personally won't take one that doesn't.

I don't know if every thing should have a meaning, but if it doesn't I don't want to have any thing to do with it.

Things should make sense. Sometimes things don't make sense to me, but it doesn't mean that it is meaningless.

Sometimes it takes time for them to make sense, a lifetime perhaps, but some time, some how and some where things have to start to make sense.

My life would be enormously painful and unlivable if things in my life don't make sense.

I set out on a journey some 20 years ago. I defined a reachable destination. I didn't want to be a rock star, I didn't want to be a president. I just wanted to be a scientist.

I am getting tantalizingly close to that goal. But I set out on another mission, I wanted to find
someone that I can truly love. Someone I can share my heart, my feelings, my thoughts and my life with. Someone I can take care of and some one who takes care of my heart.

Last year at around these days, I thought I found her. This was one of those moments that I felt God answered my prayers personally. p e r s o n a l l y !

The only thing I asked her was to stick around, talk to me from a distance,every once a while. Hey wave your hand. Read a story, tell a story. Make me feel loved. Not just another casual friend that doesn't mean any thing. I care about you, you care about me.

I was waiting to see what happens. And I thought to myself, if it goes like this, one day I am going to tell her this:

Girl, you're on a journey and I am on a journey. One day God looked down at earth and saw us going on different roads toward the same destination. He smiled and brought us together.
Today I am stretching my hand toward you. If you choose to take my hand, we'll go on together from now on. We laugh together, we cry together, we live together. We share our lives, our goals our dreams, our friends, our family, our friendships, our pain and our joy.
You can lean on me when your burden is heavy, you would take my hand when I am falling. If it is cold I take you in my arms and the world will warm up forever. If it is dark, you look at sky and the heaven will shine forever. There may never be a time like this moment in our lives.
Your happiness is my happiness, your mission is my mission, your friends are my friends, your family is my family your career is my passion. I can't gaurantee that it would be easy but I can promise if we don't do this, our lives will never be as rich, our moments will never be as long, our careers will never be as satisfying and we will never see happiness the way we can see it together.Take my hand and let us go, there is so much life to live, so many places to go, so many songs to sing, so many dances, so many chances to take. let's go my friend. let's do it together.
None of us has any thing to loose and Both of us have every thing to gain. Today is our day.

But Daemons of darkness rebelled, cold winds blew, sky fell on earth. The Coallision of anti-relocation league had its first meeting. New vistas in science opened up.
The World got in line to destroy my vision, shatter my dreams and burn my house down.

What was the purpose of all that I endured? What was the meaning of all that she said? What was the real destination?

When she came to my life, every thing started to make sense, when she left my life, every thing ceased to make any sense. In effect, at the end of the day, She made my life meaningless, pointless and nonsensical.

Is there something down the horizon that I just can't see?
Am I just too impatient to make sense out of things?
If I just adopt a wait'n see attitude would things start to make sense again?

Or is it all over now, once and for all, just like this, without
destination, meaning or reason. Illogical, unreasonable, vague, cold and dark, eternally painful to the day that I die.
Every day hopeless, every day without end.

I often ask myself, why did she come? Why did she do what she did? Why did she say what she said?

She didn't abandon me! she abandoned every thing she said she believed in. You can abandon a person. That's no big deal. But How can you abandon what gives meaning to your life? You can't do that! What kind of a life you would live then? A meaningless life. What's the point of doing some thing like that?

Money doesn't make things purposeful, You can do things to survive, that's permissible in any philosophy. But when there is every reason to believe that Life will go on, nevertheless, why then change something that there is nothing wrong with it. Being able to go to Parties doesn't make wrong right. Hardship doesn't turn what's right into wrong.

Why should I be the only one who believes in these things?